Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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