I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
