Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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