If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
