so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
