Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
