My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
