So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
