forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
