we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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