my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Help. Why am I so naked?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
