Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
