Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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