We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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