Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
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