yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
