Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
