Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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