Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
