I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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