he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
