I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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