Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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