yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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