put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
