We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
so let's talk penis.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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