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I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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