I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
