smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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