Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
