i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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