My girlfriend figured out who you are.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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