if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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