we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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