I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
