ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
