about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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