I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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