i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
