Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
