Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
