Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
