Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
