you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
BRING THE BAGELS
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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