I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
