yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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