I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Randomize
