I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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