No, you can still breathe under the balls.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
