This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize