I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
