You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize