hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
