I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
