we have officially lost it.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
