haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
