i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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