I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
