Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
