my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
