I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
