How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
