My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
