I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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