remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
my being single is dangerous.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
