Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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