we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
this hospital has no fireball
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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