her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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