I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
