Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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