How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Enjoy the penises
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
