the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I touched a dick in church today
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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