I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i think i have herpe
just one?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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